I walk my dog every day. He makes me ponder the meaning of life. Clearly he is a lower form of life on the evolutionary chain. But it's because of choice. The dogs all got together to vote on whether they wanted to continue to evolve, or whether they wanted to stay the same. Some of the dogs were eager, even salivating, at the thought of having opposable thumbs and being able to understand TV. But the saner, wiser heads prevailed. Especially when one dog pointed out that humans never smell each other's privates when they meet, never wag their tails--they don't even have tails--the corporate shiver that went through the meeting as the horror hit them of not having tails. And humans can't hump in the park. One hysterical bassett wailed, "Would life be worth living if when we met each other in the park, we couldn't wag our tails, smell each others' privates and hump?" The vote was almost unanimous not to continue evolving, but to stick with the status quo.
A similar vote was taken by the cockroach family of insects. When the study came out announcing that the only species that would survive a nuclear war would be cockroaches, and only cockroaches, that's when they held an emergency meeting and decided to retain their nuclear imperviousness.
Cats have been campaigning back and forth as to whether they want to continue to evolve or not. They are divided, some feeling that being a higher life form would free them from the humiliation of having to use a poorly cleaned litter box, and having to clean oneself with one's tongue, while others, the majority at this point in time, feel that they already are the highest form of life one can reach on the evolutionary chain. They have enslaved the human species, so what more could life offer if they evolved further? The two sides view each other with supreme disdain, wondering how the other side could be so bourgeois in their taste.
Squirrels, on the other hand, are eager to climb the evolutionary ladder. They feel they have been cheated out of real life, having succumbed to genetic obsessive-compulsivity. Constantly running hither and thither, eating only sprouted nuts and seeds, no raw nuts and seeds, thank you very much. Gaining weight, losing weight, a constant seesaw, the Tourette's syndrome with the tail, twitching the tail, fluffing the tail. And the suicidality of the species--constantly feeling like life is just too much, with the high blood pressure and high pulse rate, having to gather food all summer and then hole up in a tree pregnant--it's enough to make any squirrel throw themselves in front of a car. Can you blame them? They have almost voted to evolve, so many times, but they get bogged down in parliamentary procedure. They are still voting on whether to adopt Robert's Rules of Order, or to re-write them to fit their own species. The concept of an Australian ballot is confusing to squirrels.
And speaking of Australia, one species that is making headway with a decision is the kangaroo. Kangaroos, or roos, as they prefer to be called, at least by their friends, have wanted to evolve for many reasons, not the least of which is to break the stereotypes that hinder the acceptance of roos as an equal species. The overpopulation, according to humans, the affinity for boxing, the handy tummy pocket, the waltzing Matilda image, have all combined to make roos feel like a cardboard stereotype. This is something that we, as American humans, have very little knowledge about, our only contact with roos being zoos, and roos in zoos are so far removed from the social concerns down under, roos in zoos are like humans in trailer parks. Yes, one could get a glimpse of one facet of humanity, but for a trailer park to be the representational segment of humanity has put many of us, not the least of which was President Clinton, on edge. My prediction is that roos will rapidly be evolving in this millenium. It would not surprise me in the least to find out that roos were carrying laptops, PDAs, and cell phones in their tummy pockets within the next century.
Chimpanzees on the other hand will not evolve further. They've had their chance. The evolution of the chimpanzee, although similar to human evolution, and only splitting off in the last million years or so, has been a long haul, with many advances. The opposable big toe was at one time thought to put the chimps in the lead. But no, they have sat back on their laurels too long. They became mired in traditionalism and can never rise above their innate depression and ADHD enough to even vote on the matter. Humans would do well to take a hard lesson from the chimpanzee. Progress can so easily be sidetracked. We must ever be watchful, and always striving for improvement, no matter what. Otherwise we might end up in cages throwing our poop at roos.
Well, that's enough about the meaning of life, I think, as I swing my plastic baggie of dog poop on my way home. I let the dog in the front door, then go around back to deposit the dog poop in the trash can--not in the compost--I know, I know--isn't that a bummer? Ah well, life is complex.
A similar vote was taken by the cockroach family of insects. When the study came out announcing that the only species that would survive a nuclear war would be cockroaches, and only cockroaches, that's when they held an emergency meeting and decided to retain their nuclear imperviousness.
Cats have been campaigning back and forth as to whether they want to continue to evolve or not. They are divided, some feeling that being a higher life form would free them from the humiliation of having to use a poorly cleaned litter box, and having to clean oneself with one's tongue, while others, the majority at this point in time, feel that they already are the highest form of life one can reach on the evolutionary chain. They have enslaved the human species, so what more could life offer if they evolved further? The two sides view each other with supreme disdain, wondering how the other side could be so bourgeois in their taste.
Squirrels, on the other hand, are eager to climb the evolutionary ladder. They feel they have been cheated out of real life, having succumbed to genetic obsessive-compulsivity. Constantly running hither and thither, eating only sprouted nuts and seeds, no raw nuts and seeds, thank you very much. Gaining weight, losing weight, a constant seesaw, the Tourette's syndrome with the tail, twitching the tail, fluffing the tail. And the suicidality of the species--constantly feeling like life is just too much, with the high blood pressure and high pulse rate, having to gather food all summer and then hole up in a tree pregnant--it's enough to make any squirrel throw themselves in front of a car. Can you blame them? They have almost voted to evolve, so many times, but they get bogged down in parliamentary procedure. They are still voting on whether to adopt Robert's Rules of Order, or to re-write them to fit their own species. The concept of an Australian ballot is confusing to squirrels.
And speaking of Australia, one species that is making headway with a decision is the kangaroo. Kangaroos, or roos, as they prefer to be called, at least by their friends, have wanted to evolve for many reasons, not the least of which is to break the stereotypes that hinder the acceptance of roos as an equal species. The overpopulation, according to humans, the affinity for boxing, the handy tummy pocket, the waltzing Matilda image, have all combined to make roos feel like a cardboard stereotype. This is something that we, as American humans, have very little knowledge about, our only contact with roos being zoos, and roos in zoos are so far removed from the social concerns down under, roos in zoos are like humans in trailer parks. Yes, one could get a glimpse of one facet of humanity, but for a trailer park to be the representational segment of humanity has put many of us, not the least of which was President Clinton, on edge. My prediction is that roos will rapidly be evolving in this millenium. It would not surprise me in the least to find out that roos were carrying laptops, PDAs, and cell phones in their tummy pockets within the next century.
Chimpanzees on the other hand will not evolve further. They've had their chance. The evolution of the chimpanzee, although similar to human evolution, and only splitting off in the last million years or so, has been a long haul, with many advances. The opposable big toe was at one time thought to put the chimps in the lead. But no, they have sat back on their laurels too long. They became mired in traditionalism and can never rise above their innate depression and ADHD enough to even vote on the matter. Humans would do well to take a hard lesson from the chimpanzee. Progress can so easily be sidetracked. We must ever be watchful, and always striving for improvement, no matter what. Otherwise we might end up in cages throwing our poop at roos.
Well, that's enough about the meaning of life, I think, as I swing my plastic baggie of dog poop on my way home. I let the dog in the front door, then go around back to deposit the dog poop in the trash can--not in the compost--I know, I know--isn't that a bummer? Ah well, life is complex.